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With Eyes That Will Not Shut by ~daquirigirl:icondaquirigirl:





As the minutes wear on you stare at me
With dead fish eyes and a sugar-spun heart,
From the ocean floor where seaweed takes your hair
To make it's bed, and bubbles of lost words escape
Your lips, to make a soundless 'I love you',
Without moving.

Ebbing water softens your pain, washing away your
Shards of broken heart, melting into pearls that I will
Wear around my neck to say 'I did this'.
Time takes away your flesh, revealing empty cavities
I had once thought were full - and gape at me
With wordless tongues.

When my eyes rise to the light, you sink into
Darkness: dappled light on green-tinged skin once yours,
That I wear like a suit of armour. You are left
Where the fishes are your only friends,
Lurking where your heart should be,
With eyes that will not shut.
©2006-2010 ~daquirigirl
:icondaquirigirl:

Author's Comments

An entry for the Foyles Young Poets Competition 2006, [link]

...

On the aftermath.

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:iconjonzoiplu:
hello there, you've got lovely consistent imagery here and a well-woven story. i like 'sugar-spun heart', and the pearls melting bit.

however, i believe you could find substitutes for quasi-cliche terms like 'as the minutes wear on', 'shards of broken heart', and 'suit of armor'. for example, the portion on green-tinged skin and armor could be minimized into a coat of algae that the fish nibble on.

keep writing :)

cheers (:

--
let's go play on a baggage carousel
:icondaquirigirl:
Those are my favourite bits, actually :) This is a good year old, and I hope I've progressed a bit (actually, I'm hoping for a lot, but I try not to be too optimistic!) since then, so thanks anyway.

And I will ;) x

--
¤´¨;)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨;) ¸.·*¨;)
(¸.·´ (¸.·`¤~poetry is everything~¤

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March 26, 2006
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